


Father, I Have Sinned

by jamesnovak



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Wincest - Freeform, Wincestiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-28
Packaged: 2017-12-07 15:10:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesnovak/pseuds/jamesnovak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a pleasant feeling to lie like this without disturbance. It certainly soothed the grief, the emptiness and self-hatred- to love so dearly his own flesh and blood than to love a stranger said to be a lover. His only love was him, and would be him; Sam. The brothers keep a secret they must confess to God by guidance of Zachariah.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forbidden Fruit

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: under-age sexual relations, major character death, murder, gore.

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* * *

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_**Father, I Have Sinned** _

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_April 16_ _th_ _1904_

The silent gothic mansion was founded far from the village, and far from the church; the rusty old bars protected it from trespassers, not that anyone would dare to do so but for safety of the property they stood like a prison; the green grass surrounded the majestic palace along with the ancient trees, the rose bushes with thick thorns to rip the flesh of a human hand, and the sombre, dark skies looking down to earth that never cleared. It was their heaven, their home to many secrets to never be told. The garden extended from the mansion for miles and miles into the fields as far as the eye could reach.

Father never spoke of mother, it grieved him to remember that gentle face he'd held once between his hands, the tender rose lips that sealed their pact, and the heart that had died with all the love wasted; she now lay under the earth rotting for nature to consume. "You, my child, will be the heir and you will be in the family business as I have." Dean nodded submissively awaiting to be sent far from home to the St. Peter's Boys Academy, Sam was not of enough age to be accepted; summers were a gift, they were the days the brothers felt alive coming home to each other.

There was no grief inside as he read the letter announcing his father's death from melancholy, there was nothing to feel, nothing to look behind at; after all, he had been a stranger. Sam was his only worry, and yearned to return home to him.

"When is Cas getting here?" the younger boy sat on the window seat following with his eyes the droplets of rain trailing down the glass one after the other like liquid diamonds breaking, leaving traces behind; Dean lay on the bed with his arms folded under his head, his eyes were closed as he listened to the rain outside and the sound of the sea in the far distance.

"Tomorrow, maybe in the morning if the storm doesn't hinder him."

"I feel bad." Sam turned his head towards Dean, "Doing all this for us and having his father disown him." the older brother opened his eyes raising his head as he pushed his body up with his arms.

"Me too." he sat on the bed with his feet dangling off the edges, "But I warned him about the consequences and he insisted to help. Doesn't matter now, he's living with us and," he shrugged, "No one will bother us here."

"How did you convince Zachariah on letting him stay after what happened?" his brows furrowed in confusion and curiosity.

"Hey, dad died and I'm the oldest son, I am the master of this house." he raised his brow with a small smirk. "Whatever I say they have to do or they are discharged."

"That's not fair." he retrieved a small cushion resting by his foot to throw at his brother. "I am tired of being ordered around by him; Sam, it is your lesson time, Sam do your work, Sam dinner is ready be there in five minutes, Sam this, Sam that, Sam!" he folded his arms across his chest with a small frown on his face, "I really hate him."

"Don't worry, in a few years you'll have more freedom." he held the cushion in his hands to throw back at his brother who was distracted.

"That's two years though." he allowed a blow of air from his lips, making the hairs falling down his forehead stand. "Dean?" he glanced at his brother.

"Mm?"

"Did you mean it? Will you really take me away with you to Europe?" he took his bottom lip between his teeth awaiting for an answer; part of him always believed it to be true but a voice in his head always screamed to be lies repeatedly that his brother was simply using him, and would perhaps run away with a beautiful maiden that presented herself to him.

"Sam," he walked across the room to sit beside the boy, "I meant every word. Everything that I said," he glanced at his hands, then back into his brother's eyes, "I'll take you with me. No one will know who we are and we can start our lives together." Sam placed his lips softly on Dean's for a brief moment.

"You better keep your promise." the older boy smiled.

"I always keep my promises. I came home to you, didn't I?" he hit Sam's arm gently; the other boy nodded.

"I'm hungry." he narrowed his eyes towards the door.

"Way to ruin the moment." Sam chuckled. "It is late though, let's get you supper."

* * *

 

His lips parted gently allowing a gasp to escape, the hot breath making the other body shiver against the crook of his neck; his own trembled as he held on tightly to the larger ones making the veins on his forearms more visible. The heat enveloping his being was overwhelmingly sensational, burning his desires inside out, leaving no lust untouched. The flame burned incessantly, painfully, vehemently and it ached in his chest with an intensity that he could do no more than press his body tighter against the other as they writhed against the mattress.

"Shh, it's alright. You're alright." Dean murmured quietly against Sam's ear, wiping away the sweat drops forming at the line of his hair. His warm and soft lips trailing tenderly along the burning skin of the younger boy. The light of the moon outside penetrated the glass of the window on the far left side of the room, hitting the end edge of the bed where their bare feet rested entangled.

"Dean." he choked out as he attempted to calm himself after his climax. There were bruises forming around his wrists, his neck, his torso and the pelvis; his body ached throughout, his throat was dry yet he desired more than water, more than drugs to calm the pain, his brother's strong arms to hold him.

"I got you, Sammy, I got you." his longer, more developed arms enveloped the boy like wings after a long flight during a winter storm; it was a pleasant feeling to lie like this without disturbance. It certainly soothed the grief, the emptiness and self-hatred- to love so dearly his own flesh and blood than to love a stranger said to be a lover. His only love was him, and would be him; Sam.

* * *

 

"All this you see, miles and miles of nothing. The earth, the sky; nothing truly belongs to anyone." he murmured softly; his pen moved smoothly against the paper creating brilliant curves of elegance, the ink corrupting the purity of the paper thus. He was silent for a moment, listening to the waves crash against the shore in the far distance, the sound of the horse's steps against the dire mud, the songs of the birds, and treetops sway along the strong breeze of late winter.

There was no reminiscence of home, nor a mother, nor a father, nor a brother, nor a sister, nor a simple memory of childhood. He had never truly loved, nor cared to be loved; it was simple, life was simple and one thing that did matter was his dream. Castiel kept his diary inside the pocket of his coat, a safe place no one would dare to reach without him noticing; it was a precious thing to have, more than his own life, his stories.

"Was about time you arrived!" He opened his eyes realising the carriage had stopped, Dean stood waiting for the boy to dismount with a smile curling on his lips.

"My apologies, Dean, the weather was not in my favour, though I am grateful it did not worsen." he closed his diary to hide it in his coat, and retrieved his luggage, which Dean took from his hands insistently.

"Well, you're here now and safe. Come on, Sam's waiting for you inside and he's excited to see you again." he pat Castiel affectionately on the shoulder; it made the older boy smile as they walked towards the entrance of the house.

His eyes scanned around the mansion, noticing the mould growing on the walls, the overgrown rose bushes and the darkness that surrounded the house; it was different from what he remembered yet it felt tranquil. A man he recognised stood by the door waiting for them to approach, the smug smirk on his face never faded making him seem intimidating and powerful, as if he knew secrets hidden behind the masks they wore; Zachariah had been working for the family since Mary was alive, John had written in his will that it was the man's duty enforcing the boys to become men of power.

"Welcome to the Winchester residence, Castiel, it is good to see you again." he gave the boy a small nod, Castiel returned the gesture with a stoic expression.

"Thank you."

"We'll be upstairs." Dean interrupted, pulling the boy by the arm into the house. Zachariah glanced at them indifferently before closing the doors, and silently disappearing into a dark room by the library.

"It really hasn't changed much, except for mum and dad, everything else is still intact. Remember our secret hideout?" Castiel nodded with a smile. "It's still there and no one but us knows, Sam hides there from Zachariah." both chuckled.

"It's odd, Dean." he spoke quietly yet it echoed through the halls, "I feel nothing, I feel as if the ones who truly matter are Sam and you, I do not miss my family; they seem rather strangers to me." a soft sigh escaped from his lips. "Thank you for allowing me to stay with you."

"We're your family now, and you did sacrifice everything just to help me get back to Sam. I can never thank you enough."

"It was Hell, Dean, that place." he shuddered at the memory, "I do not think parents are aware of the treatments the pupils are submitted to in that school; it isn't humane. Sam asked me to look after you but not to let you know." he smiled.

"You just did." Dean mocked.

"Shut up." he punched the younger boy on the arm playfully. "Where is Sam? I would like to see him."

"I think he's still in the library for his daily lesson, it should be over in half an hour." he turned his head in the direction where the library should be, Castiel understood.

They walked in silence through the halls until they reached Castiel's assigned room, between Sam and Dean. The curtains were open by day yet not much light entered; the carved angels on the wooden walls faced the east, as if waiting for the master to arrive; the chandeliers were old yet their elegance remained, along with the old mirror placed by the wardrobe. Air would creep through the cracks of the window not entirely closed, creating an eerie whistling sound, mixing with the soft whispers of the fire from the chimney. The scent of the room enveloped him, the fresh scent of silver polish chemicals, the burning wood, the linen sheets, the antiques and the wood; the hairs on his body stood on end at the blissful sensation it sent throughout his body. This would finally be a home to him.

* * *

 

"You guys are too fast, wait for me!" Sam called from a few feet as they ran from the garden to the fields leading to the shore of the sea.

"Come on, Sammy! You can't really be that slow, can ya?" Dean shouted without stopping, Castiel ran faster than the three and had almost reached the shore.

"I'm carrying the basket, it's not fair!"

"You're strong, Sam, you can carry the weight!" he laughed, Sam rolled his eyes and continued running until he reached the shore. Dean stood without shoes on the wet sand drawing patterns with his toe; Castiel sat on a rock with his diary on his lap and the fountain pen in his hand.

"Thanks for waiting, jerks." he let the basket drop on the sand. "Look, guys!" he pointed towards the sea, "It's a dolphin!"

"There are no dolphins here, that's a shark." the older brother laughed.

"I'm sure it's a dolphin, Dean."

"It's a shark!"

"Dolphin!"

"Shark!" he picked up a small shell from the sand to throw at his brother, the other boy dodged it, and the shell hit the top of Castiel's head.

"Sorry." Dean frowned; Castiel held the shell in his hand and tossed it into the sea.

"It's a dolphin, Dean, Sam was right all along." he smirked, Dean glared at his friend.

"I told you!" the boy laughed.

"Well, good for you!" he scrunched his nose and stuck his tongue out at his brother.

"Are you guys going to swim?" Castiel glanced at the boys raising his brows and squinting his eyes since the sun hit his eyes. The brothers glanced at each other with smirks curling on their lips and a dark look in their eyes.

"For a while." Dean cleared his throat. "You don't mind." Castiel rolled his eyes.

"I don't care, just don't get caught like the other day." he shrugged referring to the shower incident.

" _Stop doing that and scrub my back." Sam laughed as Dean trailed the tip of his tongue along the curve of the boy' s neck._

" _I am." he muttered quietly against the boy's skin, making him shiver. His hands searched blindly for something to touch, his lips parted slightly allowing a gasp to escape once he felt strong hands reach his member._

" _I- ah.. De-!"_

" _Shh, you don't want them to hear us, do you?" Dean whispered in his ear as his hands teased the boy's building erection. Sam drew in his bottom lip between his teeth to avoid making noises louder than intended yet the pressure built stronger inside his chest until it hurt, making his breathing rhythm speed up._

_There was a knock on the door, then quiet voices yet both ignored them for a moment, focusing instead on their lust._

" _Where are the boys? And what are you doing here?" Zachariah narrowed his eyes at Castiel._

" _I'm waiting for them so we can go to the beach." he did not raise his head to look at the old man but continued writing in his diary._

" _Can you not wait down stairs?" he tilted his head with annoyance._

" _No, I think they trust met to be in their room." he smirked with a wicked expression on his face, Zachariah felt a cold shiver down his spine and kept silent for a moment, attempting to focus on the sounds coming from the bath room._

" _Are they both in there?" he pointed towards the door._

" _Yes."_

" _Why?"_

" _I accidentally spilled ink over Sam, it is the kind that stains the flesh for a few days if not taken care of immediately, Dean is simply helping wash it off. They are brothers, are they not? I think you can trust them to be alone, after all, it was Dean and I the ones who were caught doing-" he chuckled, "Immoral activities." Zachariah frowned in disgust, he scrunched his nose before turning to leave the room without further words. A sinister chuckle echoed throughout the room and he let the diary rest by his side, then turned to the direction of the bathroom. He laughed at the sound of Sam's voice pleading to Dean._

"Stop worrying, we'll be careful." Dean smirked as he intertwined Sam's fingers with his. "You should come by in a moment though." he winked at Castiel.

"You wish." he rolled his eyes. The brothers disappeared in the distance, their voices and laughter along. Castiel sat still for a moment, staring at the calm ocean and listening to the sound of the waves and seagulls; he glanced around for a moment until his eyes landed on the top of the cliff where a familiar figure stood of a man with his arms behind his back.


	2. The Fruit That Heals

**Father, I Have Sinned Part II**

* * *

 

 

_October 9th, 1904_

The sun rays rested upon the grass of the fields giving it a lighter tint, as well as the roses and other plants around the garden that stretched far from the house into the fields. The soft whistle of the wind mixed with the songs of the birds and the crash of the waves against the shore filled the air; the day was almost silent, almost dead and cold for a spring morning yet it was paradise. Castiel sat on the grass under the shade of a tree with a pen between his fingers and his diary resting on his lap; he was positioned to where he could see the house or an intruder approach. Dean sat behind a bush hiding from the eye view from the house, Sam rested his head on his brother’s lap with a book in his hands.

“You know, we could go swim down at the beach or have a race-”

“No.” interrupted Sam and Castiel before he could finish his sentence, Dean sighed with boredom, proceeding to run his fingers through the younger boy’s hair.

“This is boring, I rather be inside sleeping.” he narrowed his eyes to protect them from the sun coming from behind the clouds passing by. A sudden rush of wind passed by making him shiver slightly.

“You can take a nap here.” Sam let his book rest on his chest to look at his brother, “You want to trade positions?”

“It’s too bright and cool.” he complained, Sam rolled his eyes.

“Well, would you rather be inside where Zachariah is meddling all the time?” a small frown formed on the older boy’s face.

“No.” he snarled.

“He suspects.” Castiel spoke from where he sat without leaving his focus from his writing, the brothers turned to look at him frowning.

“Does he?” they asked at the same time, Dean with a small smirk on the corner of his lips.

“He suspects, has no proof, however. Do not take risks outside your rooms.” he glanced at both of them. “I can not cover all of it for you.” he glanced at the windows of the mansion, noticing a familiar figure staring in their direction before it disappeared. “He was there, just now.”

“Zachariah?” Castiel turned his attention to Dean and gave a small nod.

“He has been following you everywhere, evidently, when he is not having intercourse with one of the maids in the house in places he thinks no one can see.” he chuckled, Sam and Dean frowned in disgust.

“How do you even know all this?” the older Winchester asked with curiosity.

“I have eyes, of course I see everything.” he smirked glancing back at the windows, “then again, you may not be aware the passages extend throughout the house.” the brothers stared at each other in surprise and confusion.

“You mean, all this time we could have gone anywhere without being seen?” he furrowed his brows awaiting a response, Sam glanced at the house then at the boys.

“Yes.” he laughed.

“That’s- that’s awesome!” Dean laughed.

“He is coming this way.” Castiel whispered noticing a dark figure in the distance. Sam stood up to fix his clothes in disarray; Dean fixed his pants and lay upon the grass with his arms under his head pretending to snooze. They could hear the footsteps approach, the soles against the grass crushing it and the presence beginning to be known until it was so close and the sound stopped.

“Sam, Dean.” he glanced down at the boys across from each other, not bothering to acknowledge Castiel’s presence. The brothers ignored the man focusing instead on their current activities, Zachariah smirked lightly before speaking again. “May I have a word with you, please? In private.” Zachariah glanced at Castiel for the first time. Dean pushed his body up with his elbows turning to Sam with a knowing look, the boys nodded before glancing at Castiel, who tapped his pen against the hard cover of his diary three times. They stood up to follow Zachariah silently; Castiel waited until they had disappeared into the house before standing up and walking towards a secret entrance to the house hidden by vines dangling from the walls. He carried in his pocket a small, silver key he had found in one of the unoccupied rooms; the door had been difficult to open during the first try since no one had known of its existence.

Zachariah locked the door behind him as the boys sat on the seats in from of the man’s desk; Sam smirked glancing at his brother, who in turn eyed him from his feet to his lips, then smiled. They waited until Zachariah had finished pouring on a glass a reasonable amount of wine and sat behind his desk with perceptive look in his eyes; he glanced at his desk silently, then at the boys.

“As you boys know, your father left written in his will that I raise you boys as men of virtue.” he finally spoke in an unrecognisable tone, “Powerful and righteous.” he added; the boys kept silent without removing their gazes from him. “It has come to my attention that your salvation in Heaven may not be secure.” he glanced at them for any hints of guilt. “But what would you know? You are only boys, so sad, broken and lonely.” a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips; Dean clenched his fists at his sides desiring to hurt Zachariah. “Desperate for love.” he pressed his lips into a thin line; Sam shifted in his seat uncomfortably unable to look Zachariah or Dean.

“Get to the point.” Dean rasped.

“Of course.” he smirked, “I am offering you salvation for your souls, to ensure you rest in Heaven with Mary and John when your time comes to part from this earth.” he intertwined his fingers resting his elbows upon the surface of the desk. “All you have to do is confess.”

“Confess to what?” Dean frowned feigning confusion.

“Your sins, your incestuous sins, only then you will be saved.”

“Incestuous. What would make you say that?” Dean smirked. “What would you know?”

“I know.” Zachariah interrupted. “I am aware of your relationship with your brother and Castiel.” Sam could feel his breath shorten and his body tremble yet he kept silent.

“Do you have any proof of your accusations?” Dean leant forward narrowing his eyes slightly at the man.

“No, but I have seen enough.”

“Has anyone else seen us together?” the smile dropped from Zachariah’s lips.

“No-”

“Then you can’t accuse us just because you think you ‘saw’ us together, for all I know you might have had a little too much of your,” he glanced at he glass resting on the desk, “wine.”

“Dean.” he glanced at his hands, then back at the boys. “I am only thinking the best for you. Deny it if you want to, but God sees, and I know.” Sam tightened his grip on the armrests of his seat making the veins more visible; Zachariah noticed and smirked with satisfaction. “Have you forgotten you are to marry Miss Braeden? You can not be with your brother forever, Dean.”

“I remember.” Dean responded bitterly. “Father is dead, I can not be obliged to marry her.” he clenched his jaw.

“The pact still remains, and Winchesters always keep their word, do they not?” he raised his brow focusing on the boy. Dean nodded quietly; Sam could feel his heart rate speed up and his breath shorten until he became suffocated.

“The Braedens are only interested in our money, you know damn well this marriage would never last.” he glared at Zachariah.

“Isn’t everyone these days?” he scrunched his nose, “Most marriages are arranged and they come to grow fondness of each other.”

“No.” he slammed his fist against the desk making Sam wince.

“Come on, Dean. Be realistic, you can’t have your brother- it’s incestuous, sinful and punishable by God himself.” he tapped the tip of his finger against the bible resting at the corner of the desk.

“No, it isn’t.” he snarled angrily, “You are not God and you can’t speak for him.”

“It’s in the Bible.”

“It’s just another book written by men.”

“You blaspheme.”

“So do others, every day and every second, and I don’t see them getting punished by God - most humans on this earth do worst things, they kill, lie and slowly destroy this planet and I don‘t see God lifting a finger to do anything about it.” Zachariah kept silent for a moment.

“You will do as I say, Dean.” he glanced at Sam who had shrank away in his seat. “And you, Sam.”

“Why should we?”

“Because, you are still under my watch until you are married to Miss Braeden, I can control you in any way I want but I have given you too much freedom to do as you like, which led you both to this.” the boys seemed unfazed, “And because I could get rid of Castiel just as easily.” Sam’s eyes widened pleadingly at the man, Dean clenched his fists with anger until his nails dug deep into his palm leaving marks.

“You have no right, don’t you touch Cas.” he growled defence.

“I won’t have to if you comply.” he smirked.

“Dean, don’t let him.” Sam knit his brows turning to Dean desperately. “He can’t take Cas away, he’s family.”

“He won’t.”

“So what do you say?” the man glanced at the boys. Dean was silent for a moment searching desperately for a solution without hurting Sam or Castiel. The younger brother felt the surge of panic and horror throughout him, the uneasy flutter at the pit of his stomach and the anxiety building stronger in him.

“If I marry Lisa, you have to promise you won’t touch Sam or Cas.” he avoided looking at Sam for fear he would regret his decision.

“You have my word.” he smiled.

“How do we know you will keep it?” Sam gritted his teeth.

“I am a man that keeps his promises.” he grinned; the younger boy turned to look at his brother with desperation in his eyes. They had no options knowing any other choice would still separate them; Zachariah would assure Sam was sent to boarding school soon since he was of enough age to be accepted, and Dean would be soon engaged to Lisa Braeden when he turned twenty.

“Fine.” Dean finally broke the silence that had stretched for a few minutes, “Sam and I will go to Father Reynolds to confess our sins, you don’t send him to boarding school and Cas stays.” Zachariah nodded. “What then?”

“You wait until your time for engagement arrives.” he leant back against the seat relishing the power he thought possessed over the boys.

“And what if she finds out the reason I was expelled from school?” he raised his brow.

“She won’t. I will make sure that doesn’t happen.” he pressed the tips of his fingers against each other. Sam lowered his gaze to his hands on his lap, anger and hatred burning throughout him like the fire of a furnace, yet he kept silent feeling helpless.

He closed his eyes for a moment seeking through his memories the times he’d spent in his brother’s arms, how their bond had come to be; the ache he felt inside was unbearable until he reached his lowest, and he’d lock himself in his room for days without having a bite, or bringing a drop of water to his lips. Sam was a young child of ten years grieving the death of his mother, the absence of a father and he often blamed himself for how the situation had suddenly changed, how the family was abruptly destroyed. He remembers lying under the wrinkled sheets listening to the ravens out his window, the leafless branches creak and tap against the glass, the lack of light due to the constant clouds surrounding the mansion and the echoing of footsteps outside his door. Sam would close his eyes until sleep would find him, then wake up from nightmares until he could no longer keep his eyes open; for days he wept, weeks, until the tears ceased and there was nothing but emptiness and lack of hope. The agonising ache constantly wounding him on the left side of his chest became overwhelming, then it hurt too much he became numb.

_“Sam?” his eyelids fluttered open at the sound of a whisper; he recognised the voice, the scent of the person lying next to him. “Sammy?”_

_“I thought you hated me, Dean.” he responded with a hoarse tone without turning to face his brother._

_“I don’t hate you, you’re my brother.” they were silent for a moment; Dean could hear the soft breaths from the young boy._

_“Could you do something for me, Sam?” the younger boy thought for a moment before turning to face Dean, then nodded. “Could you eat? For me? You are falling ill and I don’t want to lose you too.”_

_“Wouldn’t it be better? If I died too? If I had never been born?”_

_“No, don’t say that. Never.” he shook his head against the pillow, “Nothing is your fault, and you don’t deserve all this guilt over nothing.” he brought his hand to Sam’s face, who winced expecting Dean to hurt him. “Mum wouldn’t want to see you like this.” he caressed with his thumb the boy’s cheek, Sam closed his eyes relishing the first touch from someone familiar in months._

_“Does dad hate me?” his eyelids fluttered open for a moment to look at his brother fearing he may hide the truth._

_“Dad doesn’t hate you. No one hates you, mum dying was not your fault and everyone knows that.”_

_“But if I had obeyed she would not have had to save me, she would not have drowned.”_

_“No child ever obeys, you’re not the first one. I guess it was- inevitable.” he let his hand drop next to Sam’s head resting on the pillow. “But it’s okay, mum’s in Heaven and she’s watching over us.”_

_“You don’t mourn for her.” he stated; a soft smile formed on Dean’s lips yet Sam could see the pain hidden behind those verdant orbs._

_“There is enough time to mourn later, right now I gotta make sure you’re okay. I think she would have wanted me to look after you.” he moved closer to Sam feeling the heat radiate from the boy. His eyes seemed exhausted, empty and dull, his complexion ghastly, and his face weary. “If I bring you something, will you eat it?” Sam nodded._

_“Will you stay with me?”_

_“Yes, as long as you want me here.” he smiled before disappearing out the door._

_He used to enjoy the sound of the waves come and go, watch the water reach the tip of his toes up to his ankles, the feel of sand between them, the salty smell of the water and the cry of the seagulls in the distance; it was nothing but a nightmare now. He was drowning, Sam could feel the water pulling him deeper and deeper to the bottom of the ocean until light became scarce and not even the sea creatures could be seen. He could feel the water filling his lungs, the sting, the ache, the manner in which his head felt being crushed by the pressure, the coldness stealing the heat away from his body and the desperation knowing his life would end; he could not scream, not in his head, not from his mouth- could not fight against the invisible force. He forgot to breathe often times, he’d writhe against the bed fighting for his life until Dean would hold him, would wake him up._

_“Sammy!” his chest heaved and his brows furrowed as the light of the moon hit his face enough for Sam to see him. “It’s okay, I’m here. You’re fine.” the younger boy would cling to him attempting to recover from the traumatic nightmare; his body trembled against Dean’s fighting back the tears._

_“Sam?” he blinked twice as his vision cleared. “Let’s go.” Dean glanced at Zachariah still sitting behind his desk before opening the door to leave. The younger boy glanced at the man, stood up, then followed his brother. The house was dark and silent, with only a few voices echoing from other rooms where the maids cleaned; Sam could not look at his brother, instead forced himself to walk away into his room silently. Dean sighed without looking back, then opened one of the secret doors hidden by a tapestry covering most of the wooden wall and stepped inside shutting it carefully._

_He inhaled the scent of the linen sheets filling his nostrils, the wood varnish and the air creeping through the crack of the window; the ache in his heart increased as it brought memories from his forgotten childhood, the memories he had kept of Dean and the first time the forbidden fruit was tasted._

_Sam writhed against Dean’s body fighting for dominance with all his strength, yet was certain the other would win; he chuckled as his knee hit his brother’s abdomen, making the older boy force out a blow of air and lay next to him clutching his stomach._

_“Dammit, Sam! That wasn’t fair.” he complained scrunching his nose; the younger boy claimed his victory by straddling his brother and a grin forming on his lips._

_“You didn’t say I couldn’t do that.” he chuckled, Dean opened his eyes to find Sam’s staring at him. It was odd to feel a flutter at the pit of his stomach mixing with the stabbing pain where Sam had hurt him, the manner in which his emotions evolved from one to the other as if the wind blew them away. It was like describing a summer’s day by the beach where the horizon met with the sky and the sun, where the colours mixed into one; it was beautiful yet impalpable._

_“I- I should…” Sam whispered without removing his eyes from Dean; he could feel the strong hands holding on to his wrists with great force until it hurt. “Dean…”_

_“Don’t- don’t go just yet.” he let one of his hands free to pull the younger boy closer to him, closer to his chest; Sam lay gracelessly against the older boy’s chest listening to the thump of his heart against his. As if it were instinct, he raised his head to look at Dean resting his eyes, his lips met the other boy’s for a brief moment; it was then when the older boy fluttered his eyes open tightening his hold on his brother’s body, his lips parted slightly responding to the touch of the other’s lips._

“Sam?” the boy raised his head to find Castiel sitting at the edge of his bed.

“I knew it would end soon.” he muttered against the sheets as he let his head drop again.

“It has not ended just yet.” he leant closer, running his fingers through the boy’s hair. “I can fix it.

“How? He’s going to marry that girl!” Castiel sighed stopping his hand for a moment.

“He did not lie to you, Sam.” he continued running his fingers through Sam’s hair until the boy’s breathing calmed again. “You should not question his love for you, I know for a fact he would never agree to something without having a plan in mind.”

“Can we kill Zachariah?” Castiel chuckled.

“That is a possible answer to the problem.” Sam laughed, “Would you like me to?”

“Go ahead.” he shrugged. There was a soft thud from within the walls, Sam did not bother to look up for he knew it was his brother; Castiel stood up to move the tapestry allowing Dean to enter the room without trouble. He stood there for a moment, staring at Sam lying on the bed without moving, then at Castiel, who rebuked him with his eyes and he muttered an apology.

Castiel took his place once again next to Sam, Dean sat on a chair next to the night table wishing his brother would speak to him. The silence was heavy, dire and uncomfortable making Dean anxious and wanting to escape yet refused.

“We can fix it.” Castiel finally spoke without removing his gaze from the window; Dean turned to look at him.

“How?” he furrowed his brows.

“Do not underestimate me, Dean, I plan ahead; I suppose you did too?” the boy kept silent, Castiel sighed. “Very well.” he stood up to pace around the room. “Sam, please listen carefully, I fear there might be someone listening behind the door, sit close to Dean.” the sighed, then stood up to sit next to his brother without looking him in the eyes.

“Okay, we’re listening.” Dean indicated with his hand.

“The solution is simple yet I believe in the end this will be my fall.”

“If it puts you at risk, then no.” Dean shook his head.

“Not quite.” he pressed his lips into a thin line. “Dean, you follow the instructions Zachariah gives you, make him believe he holds all power until you reach the age you must marry Miss Braeden, you should have your rights over the fortune then.”

“Okay?” he nodded in confusion.

“You leave the rights of this house to me; you and Sam are to leave the country before the wedding is to happen, I will ensure this house is safe for your return.”

“What about Miss Braeden?” Sam glanced at his brother for the first time.

“Ah yes, the lovely Miss Braeden, perhaps you are not aware of her romantic involvement with another gentleman, she is as well opposed to this marriage.” he smirked; Dean smiled contented and Sam sighed in relief.

“How do you even know this?” Dean chuckled.

“I have my sources.” he smiled, “You remember Anna?” he narrowed his eyes slightly at the boys; Sam and Dean seemed lost as if searching for a face to give to the name, then nodded. “I was to marry my cousin though, she was opposed as well as I, we knew it would never last.”

“What happened?”

“She ran away to Europe with her now spouse.” he grinned, “The day I was to arrive here is when she left, hence my delay, I was the one to help them.” the boys looked at each other smiling. “You will take Sam to England, or perhaps France? I can safely take you to the port without Zachariah suspecting.”

“Okay, but how do you plan to get rid of Zachariah for when we return?” Dean furrowed his brows, his elbow rested on the armchair and his palm supporting his jaw.

“Did you know his favourite wine imported from Italy is Negroamaro?” Sam glanced at the floor trying to remember the label on the bottle of wine in Zachariah’s office. There was a brief moment of silence with only Castiel’s footsteps filling the room, Dean’s eyes widened at the realisation and a terrified shiver travelled down his spine. “It would be shame if his indulgence killed him.” he raised his brows slightly with a stoic expression displaying on his face.

“Son of a bitch.” Dean muttered with a smile. “You’re insane.”

“I have surpassed insanity.” he glanced at the boys with a malicious gleam in his eyes; the tapping of the branches against the glass and the ravens croaking loudly did not help with the malevolent image it added to Castiel’s persona yet the boys lay their trust upon him; he was family and the only one to keep their secret safe. “Do you fancy a walk by the shore?” the boys nodded silently.

Sam stood on a rock gazing at the still waters beyond his reach, far from where the waves started to form, and at the sky, remembering the day his life changed. Mary sat next to John and Dean, they laughed, they smiled happily not imagining how life could change in one second; Mary glanced around her in search for Sam yet he was no where to be seen, then they heard him, screaming and calling for help in the distance.

_“Sam!” she dropped the items in her hands running towards the water, Dean followed his mother but John stopped him._

_“Let me go, dad!” he screamed as he kicked against his father but John held him tighter with fear creeping into him watching his younger son drowning. Mary reached the boy despite the sand particles hurting her eyes, her arms pulled him close to her chest until they reached the surface of the water; she gasped for air while swimming to the shore yet the waves kept pulling. John took Sam in his arms, trusting Mary could make it to the shore by herself; if only he had returned for her, Mary would be alive._

He remembers how the wound healed slowly when Dean took him to the beach everyday, promising everything would be okay, and it was, as long as he held him tight against his chest as he wept the guilt away, as he let go of the grief and the pain. It was okay to cry and be broken, it was okay to let himself shatter right there; he was healing by and by because he wasn’t lonely. It was how he fell in love with Dean.


End file.
